Every Dream Has Its Brown Kitchen

‘I don’t want to do this anymore.’ These words from my partner, on an ordinary weekday afternoon in January, started the journey towards a dream.

Jules decided to take early retirement and suddenly our house was on the market, and we were looking for property in Plettenberg Bay. We had often thought about where we would like to be once we had both retired and had visited places along the Garden Route, finally settling on Plettenberg Bay as our destination. One day. Perhaps. It was nice to think about but seemed not much more than a dream.

The ‘For Sale’ sign went up on the pavement. We had to find somewhere to live. My eldest brother has lived in Plett for 20 years and started the search for us. Eventually, he found a place that seemed ideal. We bought it before our Johannesburg house had been sold. And before we had seen the property on which we had made an offer.

One thing you should never trust are estate agent’s photographs. As a life coach, I often remind my clients that the gap between reality and expectation is disappointment. The higher the expectation, the more chance there is of disappointment. The photos are designed to create expectation and to sell the dream. When we saw the house in April, it was not what we had expected. No dream ever is.

The gap between reality and expectation is disappointment.

The kitchen was brown. Brown floor tiles. Brown wall tiles. Brown cupboards. The cupboard doors were sticky and peeling. There was an old stove with rusting, solid plates. (I looked for Brené Brown, no luck there.) We had bought the dream, but it felt like a gut punch.

Our house was slow to sell and at one point, it looked like we might lose the Plett property. I felt a sense of relief. Perhaps we would find another place, or even better, we would decide to stay where we were in Johannesburg. In the space of one morning, the Plett house was lost to us and put back on the market, our house was sold, and we got the Plett house back. The stress was huge but after months of uncertainty, the brown kitchen was ours.

I’ve had time to reflect on why my reaction to the kitchen was so visceral. A kitchen can be renovated; it doesn’t have to stay brown. The reaction was to the change that owning the kitchen involved. Change, even good change, is hard.

Change, even good change, is hard.

We are not much more than a series of thinking patterns and habits. To break the pattern, something has to change. The brain is very efficient, and it preserves energy by creating an in-built resistance to change. Patterns and habits help the brain to run on automatic. Change of any sort requires new neural connections. This is why we so often fail when it comes to exercise, eating healthy foods or even resting. If it’s not wired, it will be fired. New patterns are formed when we intentionally repeat the behaviour that we want until it becomes automatic. The hard part is to be consistent while the old patterns are still dominant.

If it’s not wired, it will be fired.

There were days when I wanted to push the stop button and get away from the endless admin, the financial stress, the packing, the foot broken in three places, the unpacking, more admin, a sewage spill into our garden and all the challenges that can never be anticipated.

Despite everything, we made it and are very happy where we are. There is not a day that I am not amazed by the beauty of this place. It hasn’t been easy, but it has been worth it.

What made this possible was having a vision of where we wanted to be. I had a picture of my brother walking in Plett as my screensaver. If you’re feeling stuck in an area of your life, try to be specific about what being unstuck looks like. Find just one small change that will take you forward. We can stick ourselves in jobs, mindsets and relationships because it’s ‘easier’ to deal with the known.

I hope you find your own brown kitchen. The dream may not be what you expected it to be. It may require work and renovation, but if you know that you need to move, then move. Take one, brave step. Preferably, not with a foot broken in three places, there are easier ways than that. Find the path that you need to follow.


 Ruth is a life coach, poet, speaker and personal mastery practitioner. She works locally and internationally. Find out more at www.silverwolfmastery.com.   

 

 

 

 

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